Fic Writing Behind the Scenes (BTS) 2020

[silverinerivers]

give and take so we can go far away
- this was kind of the start of my fic writing in 2020 again and I actually spent a lot of time rejiggling it around, the themes and the emotional push and pull
- when i realized it was a dead fandom i went oh

the fight for you is all i've ever known
- the start of my ao3 high
- it was a tribute to the good place which was honestly so much better than i ever expected going in, and the start of my moments fic type of writing style, i have a really soft spot for this

After the Life We've Been Through (Can I Ask for a Redo)?
- this was like in my head as i walked to work starting in Jan and when quarantine happened I decided to finally plop it down into words
- who knew it'd get so long with so many side twists and roads just so I can write what, chapter 8? all i ever wanted was redemption time loops ahhh
- otherwise it doesn't make a WHOLE lot of sense but it's self-indulgent and I don't regret it at all

light up a hesitating friend's way
- the start of my killugon obsession, all from the line "I loved you, you idiot" 
- i just want killugon reunion happy stories and well that's almost always what i write about them anyway, as Killua introspection becomes my mf bread and butter

what do i do with a love that won't sit still?
- it was actually big brain "equivalent exchange" re: Nanika and while that theme was really consistent it was hard to execute
- i remember taking a long time with this

Like a Wildflower
- i just love Janet and this was a test to write small, I think i succeeded

Happiness is a Map
- one of my fav fics I've ever written tbh, it really exemplifies my writing style and even though i've ventured a bit off since originally publishing this, I think i'd point everyone to this fic if they wanted a taste of me as an author

shaped by me x you
- this prob marked the start of me writing LONG
- it was really really fun though and inspired by so many good hxh authors <3 this moments style fic really just suits them so much, esp non chronological

i need you so much closer

- legit wrote scenes of this as i read the webtoon in may and added scenes in after to make it legit

- reason why i speedread the webtoon in a week

 

you are the magic in me

- originally #4 of 5 lives they could've lived and one they did hence why ch1 was so short

- write 2 chs ahead before publishing, wrote up to year 5 pt 1 in week off and drafted the rest in 1 line scenes

- amortentia scene was the biggest galaxy brain moment ever

- most of yr 6 and yr 7 was made up along the way, esp filler scenes (e.g. snowball fight) 

- i still have no idea what bam's backstory is and khun's is a bit of a mess too sooo let's not think about that

 

all that arm-twisting, heart-aching, tear-dripping kinda love

- first pwp wrote on a whim at 1am over the wknd and obsessively edited b/c i thought it was supposed to be romantic but then plot happened and it became sad as fuck esp the end

- fastest i've written 'til then, took about a week and just published on a whim b/c i was pissed off at work - dropped the same day as the og nsfw channel actually

- probably my fav tog fic i've written

Stop, Rewind
- i love killua and he deserves happiness and that was what this fic was all about really
- also time loops are <3 

 

the highs ain't high enough

- for khunbamweek2020 and it took me almost a month to write b/c bam pov was hard and i didn't know how to end it

- feels a little too sappy for my liking but i have a fond spot for the line "on the edge of grieving for someone who's not yet gone" and I fought really hard to keep that line in

 

touch me, tease me, feel me up

- drafted this two days after first nsfw fic and it just got longer and longer b/c of new nsfw channel ideas they were feeding me...

- wrote the khun begging/passing out scene first and then the ice shinsu part and then got stuck for a long time on "plausible plot" which is why it took a month to fill out

you're my first and my last love (and you're my escape)

- for Jaz b/c of the song My Escape by Ravenscode rec on music one day

- drafted a bit in advance and then somehow wrote it all a few weeks later in one go

- barely edited and lmao took Jaz like 2 hrs to read wtf (also thought it was gift exchange fic so LOL)

 

for you, i'd ruin myself (a million little times)

- for Watts & spent like 1-3am gift exchange release day re-reading hand of arlene

- big brain moment on not killing them tho I was tempted, but hinged around the concept of "believing they are in love with you" vs "actually being in love with you"

- wrote it all in a weekend and honestly despite the angst, really liked the tie-in to canon-compliance and would like to do something similar someday (esp w/ more canon line dialogue pulls if I ever get time to pull panels)

 

Crave You 

- for light, like a month after i shared my initial prompt and was like yeah i'm too scared to actually share this and then i think i saw some stuff on twt against the trope and thought ok it is not a sign of a fandom going to shit if a/b/o fics start showing up b/c that kind of made me mad

- wrote a snippet at 2am one day to try to get to the line "i've never asked you for anything before, so please" and it took like 2k words so I was like uhh this is a cliffhanger i can't leave it like this? which is how it exploded and got really sad

- also tbh wrote this really fast but i kept not wanting to publish it...then exchange deadline got pushed so I published it on a whim

Under Your Umbrella
- for Erika b/c this was just so cute and I missed fluff and love languages and again, KILLUGON DESERVES HAPPINESS
- i feel like this is exactly how their relationship would unfold tbh

 

wouldn't be the worst scenario

- aos scene on s7e9 was like so khunbam wtf and then my initial draft w/ plot was like 2k and went into Rak yelling at Bam and... yeah was too much

- surprised ppl still understood it tbh since it was incredibly self-indulgent but was really fun to write!

 

still spellbound by you

- honestly this is just procrastination, so i could write more bam pov and fluff b/c I miss fluff!!! ack

impatience is a virtue

- based off server prompt, kind of fell off near the end but eh maybe it doesn't need more than just the beginning part anyway, proof that I would really rather write foreplay clearly

- IT'S SHORT YAY

 

crash landing

- I think I have a thing for beds and sleeping even if it's platonic uhhh 

- moments fic is one of my fav tropes 

- this is relatively low effort oops but it's me and now it is no longer low effort F

 

Can I Transcend Time with You?

- different style re: dreamlike sequences and tie-ins w/ the spiritual world

- explores what it means to envy what you don't have, to find what you've been looking for by living the life of someone else 

- sat on this for months and it took a fanart for me to churn out the first chapter from the first and only writer crawl so far ahahaa 
- again, wrote this just so I can write one damn scene about devotion across lifetimes but I'm crawling at the pace of a snail to get there

 

come morning light (let me save you)

- themes: cost of a life, facades/fronts, political suppression, power of the media, forbidden love, love in a place w/ scarce trust, temporary alliance vs friendship, honour

- Bam: attachment to Rachel b/c connections with others only serves to create more pain, and she's his only one, overcorrects for this in the actual games, kind-hearted first, martyr/symbolism, prior acceptance that slowly unwinds to stronger distaste as he sees things for himself and has things taken from him personally, growing to think and fight for himself, who does he live for, trust issues as a result of the games

- Khun: fascination turns to genuine belief, playing and fooling himself, proving a point to others from his past, who does he want to protect and why? line b/w protecting and pretending blurs, inability to be truthful

Enemies to friends to lovers: if this is indeed the last time we can be with each other, then why not make it count? Khun's intentions are a bit hard to read on Bam's part, the warnings about his family and his district true to form, unreliable narration 

if all your kisses turn into bruises

- i regret going to the webtoon to find line references 

- voice confusion, Viole vs Bam (substitution in place of each other), vulnerability, body reaction despite himself, pining while fucking tag, FUG undertones, innate programming/slipping, doubt on consent/implications for their relationship (push & pull), there's some weird dynamics here b/w the three of them that idk what to do with

- this fic demonstrates I shouldn't write prompts that don't belong to me...

 

catharsis

- wrote most of this while watching the anime/reading the manga, and i would've thought i'd choose Nezumi's POV but lol nope, unexpected 

- moments fic re: character development and even as I write this, it feels so very obvious the changes which is refreshing and jarring

 

let the hours pass

- treat for trick or treat 2020 gift exchange as a result of my addiction to yeeting gifts

- anticapitalist Santa tendency

- kind of a companion piece to catharsis but post canon from Nezumi pov and why he chooses to leave anyway 

- but you still get good moments to hold onto in between

 

you built me palaces out of paragraphs

- based off that light/comet excerpt I can't find the source to

- I think it's supposed to be angst but as always, me and my hopeful end notes lol

- tbh just writing this to jog my pen again from a slump but I do miss these two

yuletide fic 

- you give me 3 prompts? I write all 3 of them into one fic cuz I'm fucking indecisive

- its supposed to be 1k min and i'm going for 10k at this point gah

 

Union & Intersection

- hell of a prompt, and i'm sorry i'm leaving it where i do cuz like...i don't do endings clearly and i think the exposition part is more fun
- but seriously i remember scouring the FIAB list going like TOG? PROMPTS? THIS ONE? MINNNNEEEEEE!

 

Eclipsed Sun

- ...i have no idea if this is what you want given that you recycled your prompts like for so many fandoms but uh, I'm biting the bullet and writing it and i'm sorry (kinda)

- seriously it's crazy that this is the fastest thing I've ever written and I feel like I could've gone more dub-con or worse with it but uhhh I revert to this every time
- kind of liked the concept a lot though and find it hilarious how the other gift was ALSO via the Phantom Troupe concept but Leopika instead LOL

 

FFFX 

- let's see how well I do with characterization on a show I haven't watched thoroughly in over a decade holy crap, and not even for my main OTP
- i also hate plot oh my god this is getting way out of control how have I written so much for a worldbuilding exercise I've never done before successfully in my entire life - i can't even keep track of the character occupations or anything fml this is going to end poorly

 

redeemer

- this has literally no plot and they are really too big brained for me to get anywhere with their dumb mind games and sexual tension and i am so sorry dear recipient

- you asked for a bad ending and I tag this fix-it b/c I'm me and I honestly wish I could write dark-fic but the canon-divergence didn't work in my head so THIS HAPPENED FML

serpentine
- philosophy existential dread disguised as a floor fic
- partially inspired by the maze in Goblet of Fire

embark
- literally the shortest fic i've ever written due to a whim b/c i wanted to write about a diff floor and figured 1F wasn't taken
- then realized crap it has to be an irregular so UREK HELLO

(w)rec(k)reation
- seriously i loved this title
- sorry work i worked longer to make up for the fact i wrote this in 20 min at 4pm right before the collection closed
- i love arcades okay

Hiraeth
- one of my fav works tbh
- links to both the song lyrics as well as the next AU sequence in some way (I wonder if people will catch that)
- seriously so self-indulgent I'm crying

forever is calling
- okay probably my first actual major MCD fic :S uhhh the ask was likes angst/mcd with fluff so it hurts more so...this was kind of my brand
- yes i basically baked in my recent baking hobby and i'm not sorry
- i spent an hr trying to find a title for this

coda
- i really really really loved writing this
- it's like when i matched to these prompts I literally had a mini meltdown over how perfect they were for me?? that i couldn't decide which route to take so I just went WHEEE doing them all and well, it's longer than i expected but also I could've written SO MUCH MORE so i really hope you like it
- like every part of it just played into tropes I LOVE and this fandom really deserve more of them and being happy and all the good things that come w/ the love of reunion fics